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phaldo (2:33:24 PM): google will take over the computing world soonphaldo (2:33:34 PM): you almost wont need a hd inhahe (2:35:31 PM): i think it'll take a while inhahe (2:35:47 PM): harddrive speeds are insanely fast compared to network inhahe (2:36:08 PM): and it's been tht way for decades phaldo (2:36:12 PM): well, if software is all on a remote server, it's not an issue so much inhahe (2:36:19 PM): true phaldo (2:36:36 PM): the web is becoming a huge part of computers anyway inhahe (2:36:57 PM): i worry about companies buying each other phaldo (2:36:58 PM): so i log on to a site, like say a word processing site, and type a document inhahe (2:37:06 PM): we're gonna be owned by too few evil corporations phaldo (2:37:07 PM): what you mean phaldo (2:37:15 PM): that's been happening for decades inhahe (2:37:17 PM): yeah inhahe (2:37:23 PM): i've just been noticing it phaldo (2:37:24 PM): oracle will soon own mysql inhahe (2:37:29 PM): and i think this is a new arena that it's happening in phaldo (2:37:30 PM): which i dont like inhahe (2:37:44 PM): the information age inhahe (2:39:42 PM): i'm actually a little worried that the world will be owned by corporations, such as in the movie idiocracy, when corporations become more powerful than the motivations for sane decision making phaldo (2:40:00 PM): thats going to happen |
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Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
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So I'm deciding whether to go back to school continuing my recently changed major of Mechanical Engineering, or going back to Computer Science. Assuming I actually have enough money to do either .
The reason I switched to M.E. is that it finally dawned on me that, if I were to do C.S., I more-than-likely would end up doing some tedious-ass job working on things that mean nothing to me, most of the time. In M.E., on the other hand, anything I design should be interesting enough (since it's actual, real stuff). I like the idea of designing things, and I also like the fact that it'll bring me closer to a solid understanding of physics.
Apprehensions regarding M.E. are:
* I feel more confident about my ability to do C.S. well and to get and hold a job in C.S.
* I'm not really as good at complex logic as I used to be, and a degree in M.E. requires lots of mathematical training.
* I really want to design consumer products; aerodynamics and manufacturing processes aren't much fun. And everywhere I look regarding M.E., it's either about aerodynamics or manufacturing processes. Someone, apparently knowledgeable, a Mechanical Engineering forum said that there's plenty of jobs in the consumer product area, but I don't have much confidence since I never see anything about that.
Pros regarding C.S.
* There's a lot of software projects I either want to do, or, in one case, help out with. Getting a C.S. degree should definitely help with this. But on the other hand, there are a few actual physical projects I want to carry out too, that getting a degree in M.E. should help me with.
* Confidence regarding learning it and finding and holding a job, as I mentioned
Cons regarding C.S.
* as I said, it would probably be tedious and relatively meaningless work
* Another thing is that I tend to code reallly slowly, because I want to think about the best possible way to do it before I do anything. I may code too slowly for companies to accept; I'm not sure.
* Historically I've gotten so frustrated over bugs that aren't easy to solve that I've just quit some projects.
So that's pretty much it. I'll figure it out one way or another, but if anyone has any particular input that might be helpful.
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Saturday, June 27th, 2009
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So I went on a trip to France in 1993 or 1992. A few people from my school went on the trip, and a few people from Lakeland did. Recently I dug up a photo I had taken of this girl I'd been hanging out with, Amanda Miller. And for the first time in years (probably since 1993), I saw again exactly why I loved her so much. The minute before that I had had no idea just how perfect she was for me. It hurts, actually, because even though fate must have brought us together, I was too shy to express most of what I should have expressed; I don't even think I hugged her. I don't think I said goodbye, either. Anyway, the point is that for all the girls I see who look insanely attractive, and sometimes even seem to have really neat personalities, nobody nowadays has an effect on me the way she did. I may have had crushes now and then, but seeing that pic creates a new bar to live up to: what's the point of pursuing anybody who doesn't make me feel as lighthearted just at the sight of them that that old photo does? Suddenly my perspective has changed from "girls are unattainable" to "there hasn't been anybody I've been really interested in for 12 years." It's kind of strange.. there's a strange existential power to it, but at the same time it makes me feel like it's no longer just an issue of my getting over my issues; it's an issue of me waiting for something that's seemingly totally beyond my control. And who knows how much time it will be..
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Saturday, June 20th, 2009
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It seems like every love affair is borrowed time, a ticking timebomb. Who could expect, without being naive, any given relationship not to end in bitterness and contempt? They always end them on a sour note, and as serial monogamists every relationship but one must be eventually ended. Yet this situation makes a mockery out of love... "i'll love you now, probably for the next couple of years or so, but then for the rest of our lives after that we'll probably be on such bad terms that we don't want to ever speak to eachother again"? I mean people don't consciously think of it that way, but given this awareness, how can one not attempt to remove oneself from that cycle.. Just a little food for thought. <3
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I always preferred the cloudy skies and stormy weather . that heavy vibrant energy with just enough shade to let me think.. let me feel.
but i could never see that well in the daylight anyway.
i frequently dreamed that the clouds came low enough to the ground to be touched.
it would always rain if i played in the hose for an hour or so. ..or did a rain dance on the patio with my cousins. ..or felt the feeling that i'd always feel when it rained. and that wasn't a bad thing -- I *loved* the rain.
i'd stand outside and watch the torrents for what could've been hours. here in miami, when it would rain it would pour. it wasn't just water..it was a place in time all on its own. the sun would be totally drowned out, even if it was the middle of the day; the water bouncing back up off the driveway and cars would create an inches-deep layer of sliding, sparkling mist; and you could see individual gusts of exceptional energy sweeping across the lawn, transforming, separating and conjoining in a definitively living pattern.
It wasn't just the sun that was drowned out.. the sound of it all would drown out everything that wasn't real in my mind and make me pure. probably because the most real feeling i ever had was sadness.
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I am a red man. If the Great Spirit had desired me to be a white man he would have made me so in the first place. He put in your heart certain wishes and plans, in my heart he put other and different desires. Each man is good in his sight. It is not necessary for Eagles to be Crows. We are poor..but we are free. No white man controls our footsteps. If we must die...we die defending our rights.
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Native_American_proverbs
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so i've been listening to E2-E4 by Manuel Gottsching, an hour-long song, on repeat. nice song.
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**** says:
socialism works
**** says:
but in order for it to be implemented
**** says:
you need the momentum of communist revolutionaries
**** says:
and the indifferent observation of anarchists
**** says:
*under the
**** says:
only then, after a rational fusing of the two
**** says:
can you have a true socialist continent
**** says:
that WORKS
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Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
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I heard Neil Rogers got pulled off the air recently for saying a curse word. I don't know who Neil Rogers is, but I know he's a household name and has been doing whatever he does for 35 years.
it's crazy when someone that valued by the community gets his long career ended by saying an uncomfortable word that you're more likely to hear on the road on the way to work.
lives are made and broken in this community by trifling rules and regulations mediated by endless trails of paperwork.
for all the imperfection tribal communities had/have, at least one's honor and position in society as a man or woman of influence had something to do with one's character.
this doesn't sum up the problems with today's society. that would take another endless trail of paperwork. it's all ridiculous, so all I can do is poke at it here and there. but it does remind me of a quote by a native american, saying basically that the problem with the white man is having "too many chiefs."
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'"We cannot fathom the mystery of a single flower," wrote 19th century art critic and philosopher John Ruskin, "nor is it intended that we should; but that the pursuit of science should constantly be betrayed by the love of beauty, and accuracy of knowledge by tenderness of emotion."'
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i always noticed in some level, but i never cared
now i notice it on other levels, and it's really getting to me
this world we live in is enshrouded in ego
everyone's deeply in the sh*t of who's superior, who has more power. every individual social token is embedded in agreements on whose ego is in check.
i'm starting to notice it too much; i'm getting sick of it. i hate this planet.
i just feel like there's no breathing room. everyone's an alien from the reptilian star system Alpha Draconi. where are the real people?
meh, i'm probably just imagining it. too much hanging around my sister..
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Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
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"""
We live in a world ruled by fictions of every kind — mass
merchandising, advertising, politics conducted as a branch of
advertising, the instant translation of science and technology into
popular imagery, the increasing blurring and intermingling of
identities within the realm of consumer goods, the preempting of any
free or original imaginative response to experience by the television
screen. We live inside an enormous novel. For the writer in particular
it is less and less necessary for him to invent the fictional content
of his novel. The fiction is already there. The writer's task is to
invent the reality.
"""
- J.G. Ballard
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Thursday, April 16th, 2009
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"What capital does to labour, and the State to liberty, the Church does to the spirit. This trinity of absolutism is as baneful in practice as it is in philosophy. The most effective means for oppressing the people would be simultaneously to enslave its body, its will and its reason."
-Proudhon
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Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
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[14:45] Rey: and live in the moutnains
[14:46] Rey: and write philosophy books
[14:46] inhahe: i'd write philosophy books
[14:46] Rey: i really want to write a big book on how
[14:46] Rey: political systems, or government, works like OOD
[14:46] Rey: and networking
[14:46] inhahe: you could also describe it in terms of circuit diagrams, tohugh probably nobody would understand it
[14:46] Rey: yea
[14:46] inhahe: i saw tha tonce, didn't understand a bit of it
[14:47] inhahe: but i don't understand electronics either
[14:47] inhahe: economics always melts my brain
[14:47] inhahe: none of it makes sense
[14:47] inhahe: it's self-contradictory
[14:47] Rey: it's stupid
[14:47] Rey: economics is stupid
[14:47] inhahe: nod
[14:47] Rey: it's not a science
[14:48] Rey: it's psychology
[14:48] inhahe: yeah, that's why it doesn't make sense
[14:48] Rey: there are principles on the groudn such as supply and demand, then there are projections isnpired by either greed and/or well, greed
[14:48] Rey: speculations, etc
[14:48] Rey: which are hit or miss
[14:49] Rey: and have no algorithms for
[14:49] Rey: predicting
[14:49] Rey: it's gambling
[14:49] Rey: and stupid
[14:49] inhahe: for example, people say to buy to support the economy. so here's hwat's happening.: you're simply transferring money from you to anohter person, either of which could have spent that money, in order for the luxury of getting an item you diddn't really want that badly, and to pay for that transaction, some people does some labor they didn't want to have to do to make that product
[14:49] inhahe: so everybody loses
[14:50] inhahe: instead of buying, you should have just given the money away!
[14:51] inhahe: it's like they say buy so we can inflate the economy by beating the hell out of each other
[14:53] inhahe: and another thing that doesn't make sense, the credit bubble collapse. somehow the economy is in recession, even though the bottom line to quality of life is how much is being produced and the cost effectiveness of production. so if we were happy the way things were, there's no reason we had to stop producing
[14:53] inhahe: if there were really were a problem, we would have noticed it already, because we'd be getting fewer services
[14:53] inhahe: but yaeh all these paradoxes, just because it's psychology, not logic
[14:55] inhahe: i guess tthe problem with stock market and credit collapses is pie in the sky. people laboring their ass off for what they thnik they'll get in the future. then the market discovers that there's nothing there that's promised
[14:55] inhahe: sort of like when the goverment is going to have to pay back all those bonds they sold
[14:59] Rey: siggh
[14:59] Rey: they're laughing at us
[14:59] inhahe: the aliens?
[14:59] Rey: llol
[14:59] inhahe: =p
[15:00] Rey: and then there's the question of accountability
[15:00] Rey: what can we do, and/or should we do anything, considering that there isn't that big a disruption in our lifestyles
[15:00] Rey: americans are naive, sheltered and protected
[15:00] Rey: and should not vote
[15:01] Rey: we continue to buy into this system by stnading in lines with a ballot, and continue to take out loans and sign up for credit cards
[15:01] Rey: we deserve everything we get
[15:01] Rey: if growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell, then america needs a recession like chemo
[15:01] Rey: so we can fucking reflect and slow down
[15:01] Rey: and stop buying bullshit we don't need
[15:01] Rey: with money we don't have
[15:02] inhahe: yeah
[15:02] inhahe: that's what i say, regarding the recession
[15:02] inhahe: the biggest problem with the economy, imo, isn't even the labor we do, or the ties we have
[15:02] inhahe: (like owing money)
[15:03] inhahe: it's how we affect the world at large, the environment
[15:03] inhahe: we can be a cancer all we want, the real damage is the larger body we're hurting
[15:04] Rey: yep
[15:08] inhahe: we'll curb our ways in that regard one way or another, eventually. we have to. but the thing that's really scared me recently is the idea that the absorption in information processing is detracting from our personality
[15:08] inhahe: and our interaction between personalities as human
[15:08] inhahe: s
[15:08] Rey: yes
[15:08] inhahe: the reason it scares me is because i don't know that i can just hold on to the idealistic idea that we will someday change in that regard
[15:08] inhahe: i don't know if it will ever change
[15:09] inhahe: actually, in one of neale donald walsch's messages, it said we're already moving in the momentum of just settling for a solution and our best days being behind us
[15:09] inhahe: so i guess i'm not off base
[15:09] Rey: i love 1984
[15:10] Rey: i can always appreciate the fact that i didn't read it in grade school
[15:10] Rey: and instead as an adult, on a plane, on the way to somewhere
[15:11] Rey: so i never attributed it to some sort of information i picked up during my self-less academia stage of life
[15:11] Rey: i have mixed feelings about school
[15:12] inhahe: i think school is a mental labor camp
[15:12] inhahe: hwere we train children to be cyborgs and think like we do
[15:12] inhahe: at threat of conditional love and loss of other priveleges
[15:12] inhahe: it perpetuates the cycle, that's all
[15:13] Rey: yes, tjhanks
[15:13] Rey: i know im' not completely crazy
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Yesterday I saw a video of Robin Williams doing stand-up in which he mentioned that Jack Nicholson would make an awesome president. Then last night I had a dream in which Jack Nicholson was President, but he wanted to try to start punishing criminals using circular saws or chainsaws or something like that. This worried me a lot.
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i dunno. all i've known my whole life is suffering. not suffering like normal human suffering. the pain, the why is it all like this, the speckles of joy here and there from their interacting with others. no, i'm talking pure, droning, constant, sometimes intense struggling and misery. i can remember three moments of joy in my life, and they were each for a few seconds. i have two or three friends who talk to me on a regular basis (they never visit me - this is online), and all the girls i either used to know in the past or attempt to talk to currently cease communication with me in short time as if i'm some kind of disease. this is without exception.
even if i got a beautiful girlfriend and managed some way to support myself tomorrow, it wouldn't make me happy, because at this point in time i am an empty shell, unable to feel emotions or intimacy. so at this point i'm thinking i'm about to fold. it's like any other project, where just one thing goes wrong after another, and after three decades you realize the whole idea was untenable, and it's just not worth the effort to try anymore. you don't know for sure that you won't succeed the day after tomorrow, but it's still time to retire, since you have better things to do, not to mention cutting your losses, saving whatever of your soul you have left. so yes, i'm aware of the ideas that anything's possible, happiness is in your own hands, etc. they're not lost on me. but time is the ultimate indicator, and it's been quite a while. and sometimes things just need to get scrapped.
when i imagine that mathematically i should live for 40-50 more years, i actually find the idea shocking. like holy god, how is that possible, and why won't someone have mercy on me. i mean really, how is it even possible?
my biggest problem is probably just indecision. i wish i knew what to do. a rope? a gun? something large and convenient to drive into? a bridge? or just continue on and hope that, by the time i cross over, there's anything of my divine spark left? the latter sounds like a pretty irresponsible and stubborn plan to me, provided anyone in the universe finds my essence valuable. if i could just decide... this would all be over tomorrow, and I wouldn't even have to lift a finger; God would do it for me.
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Saturday, April 4th, 2009
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I found the following in a discussion page for a certain article on Wikipedia. It may be just misinterpretation, but on face value I find this extremely funny:
" The only thing important for Wikipedia is whether there is a reliable source stating whether the algorithm you show runs in linear time.
The question whether the algorithm does in reality run in linear time may be interesting, but it is not of relevance for Wikipedia. "
It's like something out of Alice in Wonderland, or 1984. Or Douglas Adams. or Hermes Conrad. The Information Age indeed.
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
inhahe's journal
discontent.